Well, at least it hasn't been a full month since my last post!
Thanks to those of you who mentioned talking to someone in response to that one. Yes, indeed - I am depressed. I have been seeing a therapist since shortly after my second miscarriage. While it has helped me tremendously, we also haven't been able to make a ton of progress, mostly because I have been either in treatment or in miscarriage recovery mode during pretty much all of our time together. The issues tend to be grief and sadness, and just generally "handling" everything that goes with IVF.
It is only now that I am not in treatment and we are in a holding pattern, that we are working somewhat on what infertility has done to me as a person - how it has damaged my psyche and how I see myself. And I fully expect that to take a back seat when we finally move forward with donor eggs.
Switching gears - a few posts back I think I spoke about the race I entered and how the training was somewhat of a grind.
Anyway the race was today. It was a 10 mile run, well known in this part of the country - so there are lots of participants. 15,000 or so of them. I am just so proud of myself for finishing. Before I started training for this thing, the furthest I had ever run in one stretch was 3 miles or so, and that was usually pretty hard fought with some walking stops along the way. This time my friend and I got to mile 6 or so before stopping, and that was just to say hi to her mom. It got much more grueling after that and I was in lots of pain, but we made it. I am a slow runner - more of a jogger actually, so people were passing us left and right. But still - we did it! It felt great to get across the finish line.
The ironic thing is I started all of this as my way to lose some weight - I have a good 15 pounds that I have put on since the infertility chapter of my life began. Well over these 10 weeks, I have lost all of 3 pounds. Three! ugh.
Anyway - so along with deciding what races to enter for the rest of the running season, my next week or so is going to be about figuring out how the heck I can get some of this weight off. I feel like I have been trying to do it for three years straight - and have gotten absolutely nowhere.
Oh yeah - and please forgive my possible poor writing and lack of proofreading in this post - I am exhausted, mentally drained and sitting here with an ice pack on my left knee and an ice cold beer in my right hand!
