Well.
I don't know why I continually let so much time go by without updating. I have been extremely busy at work, where I usually do my posts. And I've been getting home and feeling particularly mentally exhausted for the past month or so.
We went to see the new specialist. She reviewed a bunch of our records, consulted with a geneticist, and came up with a new suggestion. Donor Sperm.
Her theory in looking at some of our PGD results is that some of the abnormalities she saw (especially in our second cycle) were multiple, complex ones, which usually points to sperm issues. Well, sperm chromosome issues to be exact.
We were both a little bowled over. All this time, its always been reinforced that my eggs were the problem.
It just completely sucks that every time we go to a doctor, there are "theories," and no answers.
Though I don't feel exceptionally comfortable with it - I suppose it could be true. And the remedy is pretty easy. Donor sperm = 500 bucks a vial, IUI, $2500 a shot, most of which will still thankfully be covered by my insurance. Compare that to the $25-35K cost of a DE cycle and it seems like a bargain!So we may give it a shot or two just to see.
The biggest fear factor for me there is that if she's wrong, and I get pregnant, I will of course have another miscarriage. The thought of going into that pit of despair (a 4th time!) makes me sick to my stomach. Each time it's been deeper, darker, and uglier. And even tryioong to imagine my mental state on that day - I can't bring myself to do it.
And at that point we'd pretty much know its my eggs. So our next option would be another DE cycle. Which frankly, I'm not sure if we're up for. I'm just so tired of being here, watching the world go by while I wallow in my own personal hell. Another friend of mine announced another pregnancy this week. They already have an 18 month old. This couple hadn't even met when T and I started trying to conceive. It just makes me nuts.
We could use that money to put into an adoption fund. Because let's face it, there's no guarantees in a DE cycle - even if I get an awesome donor. So why take that gamble again? At that point we'll be entering year 5 of infertility, loss and trying in vain to get pregnant. The rollercoaster has to end somewhere.
Doesn't it?
