Well, after a long hiatus, I am back to announce our son's arrival. At 8:50 am on April 1, 2009, Matthew was yanked out of my uterus on an operating table, and came screaming into this world. He is beautiful, and he is ours. I will have to post a picture soon.
Additionally, I want to post my birth story and thoughts about caesarean section overall at another time, as I am too sleep deprived to put together any coherent thoughts right now.
Overall though, today I'm looking for some support and reassurance here . . .
Between trying to recover from major surgery, having a newborn come into our home and completely overhaul the way we live, and breastfeeding trials and tribulations, I feel myself quickly sinking into some sort of depression. I know the sleep deprivation and the plummeting hormones have a lot to do with is, but I have found myself crying a lot over the past couple of days.
We're trying to make sure Matthew puts on weight (he lost quite a bit in the hospital), and thus feeding him every two hours. And its getting old very quickly. All the free formula that came to me in the mail or home with us from the hospial is looming large - and I feel like we're only a rash 2 am decision away from using it.
I am only a week into the breastfeeding thing and already thinking about quitting, and of course feeling guilty about it. Every two hours doesn't sound like much when you think about it, but in reality, it feels like its ALL THE TIME! One of or main problems is that at night I can barely get him to stay awake for 15 minutes to feed one side. He falls asleep, I try to wake him up a million ways, but we get nowhere. Then I put him down in the bassinett, and he lasts 3 minutes before hes crying – because hes still hungry. Put him back on the breast, 2 minutes, he’s asleep again. Repeat this pattern many times between 1 and 5 am and you can imagine about where my sanity level is right now.
And I have all these wild thoughts zooming through my head like "what were we thinking" kind of thoughts, which I of course feel horrible about - who thinks this way about a little life you've been fighting to bring into this world for years?
Any advice or comments (of the supportive kind) are more than welcome here - I won't be crying like this every day for the rest of his infancy, right??